Lynx

So Many Tears

So many tears, so much pain
Im just waiting for that day where I find that exotic lamp
Maybe then I’ll know what its like to have a whole new world
And fuck the dumb shit, its not cuz I like Disney
But maybe Waltz was on to something
Hope is the fuel to one’s success
But ‘round these parts, prices is to expensive
I been runnin on empty for a long time coming
Like I drove to hell and back on doubtless, countless fumes
Every time I swallow my words I cough blood
Stuttering apprehensive words off my oppressed tongue
I try to annunciate: S-s-s-soooo m-m-m-many t-t-t-tears S-s-s-so m-m-m-much p-p-pain
Like a mentally ill patient with a speech impairment, only worse cuz 
For so long I have choose to be this way
Lingering on the outskirts of the Getty confidence station
I can never pump it into me
I always admired our past time leaders
What I would do to speak with the tenacity of Malcom X
The intelligence of Dr. Martin Luther King
The clever rhetoric of Socrates
I wonder if these great thinkers ever shed tears over their beliefs
And if so, I would give everything I have to catch a drop,
Maybe then will I understand what confidence is
So many tears, so much pain
Do I share between these lines
Every time that I dot my “i” they fall off the page because I don’t press the ink hard enough, I often ask myself why 
Why do I shed tears of confidence when beneath my skin lay shadows?
Skin deep are my darkest fears, beyond the place of the devil’s wrath
I come to realize that sun eventually rises and not just on occasion
So I should be more like sol, then I shall seek the truth 
The root of all these tears, all this pain
And when I find the answers I am searching for, I will stand tall
On top of all my endeavors, higher then Everest
Shattering Teflon barriers that blocked the ability to progress 
Like a depressed victim, just open up
Im gonna open up to the idea that, no, the world is not filled with emotional terrorists
I am an indestructible sky scraper
I will think above my enemy
I will not crumble to the lightest fear in my heart  
So many tears, so much pain, but I prevail

Canabalism

My mother has always told me to appreciate what you got because one day you might not have it
It takes me a couple of hours to settle for a pb and jay when there aint shit else to eat

So I wonder how long it’ll take for human hunger to gnaw at the stomach to create a desire for human flesh stronger then a petafile’s lust for 9 year old virgins
Maybe shackles and long voyages
I guess the slaves didn’t have a chance to pick their preference
Stuffed into match box sail boats, Europeans though they could fit a black hole in the hulls of ships
Thrown on cheek bones of culturally scared people were crumbs and saltwater
Barely enough to satisfy a snake’s appetite
What does it take to crave dirty skin and bones?
Months of anatomical neglect, unsanitary lodgings, having the world stripped from their majestic finger tips
And I wonder why I call crackers and cheese slave food, it pales into comparison of the fact that
When those captives resorted to barbarity, blood stained their innocent mouths with cannibal groans  
And I get mad when I get slave food stuck in between my teeth
When those slaves had nothing but themselves to crave, they used the dust from the floor to season themselves, they needed no oven because they resided in a sauna
And I complain when my food isn’t drenched in herbal essences 

So I wonder how long it’ll take for human hunger to gnaw at the stomach to create a desire for human flesh stronger then a petafile’s lust for 9 year old virgins
Maybe polytheism and vengeance
The throne in ancient Greek mythology is a divine symbol
The evil in people’s heart were worn on their togas 
Adultery was paid in full by means of a bubbling cauldron and wood fire rotisseries
With blood as the dominant fluid and fingers being roasted like shish-ka-bob 
What does it take to crave the hearts of royalty and sinful brains?
Zeus, Apollo, Hades, Ares, Poseidon, Athena, Hera, Hermes
All deities that controlled people’s hunger for flesh
Olympia awakened the gory nature in souls
But it’s not like they didn’t have a choice
The feeling of vengeance was side dish to the cannibalistic main course
They coulda satisfied their hunger with their affluent assets
But their beliefs made them burp and made the notches in their belts looser
I guess you cant tell people what they like

So I wonder how long it’ll take for human hunger to gnaw at the stomach to create a desire for human flesh stronger then a petafile’s lust for 9 year old virgins
I don’t know, I guess ima have to make myself another pb and jay

Slang 101

I met this guy the other day

I met this girl the other day

He was so sweet!

Shorty was all that and a bag ‘o chips!
Im talkin’ hips and thighs, lips and eyes,
I was ready to empty out my pockets for this chick…

He’s a rough looking fellow
With the eyes of a god
And though it was hard to gage
Through those baggy clothes,
He had a rockin’ hot bod!

Hello!

Whats good?
Why you walkin’ down the strip all alone?

He had a really strange vernacular,
This real unpolished tone,
“excuse me sir, but I do not strip!
You best take better care
Of what thoughts you let slip.”

You straight trippin’ girl,
I was just clownin’
I was just wonderin’ if you wanna
Check out my whip sometime…

He was definitely into some kinky stuff,
Whips and all that, still
He was very polite so I resigned to concede,
I would go on a date, and thus I decreed:
Yeah, ok, sounds great!

I told her to hop in through the suicide doors
And Once she hopped in the whip and I was like,
Gotcha bitch!

I didn’t know if I was
Entirely comfortable in his car,
I mean, suicide?
That is really serious stuff,
Choices like that won’t take you far…

What is you talking about?
I hope you know you’re chillin’ with
A real OG…

I think we were going to olive garden?
Which was perfectly fine with me.

So im switching lanes wit the top down
Wit this fly ass shorty that I found
And I was like yo pass me my celly

He named his phone celly which I thought was so cute
But the poor guy, I guess he must gotten locked down out
Or something, because he said to me…

Yo we gon take some back alleyways shawty
I gotta pick up a ki so I can stack them chips

I think it is such a turn off when guys make fun of me because im short
So Not Fly, but I do really like Pringles
So I let it go by

So I pulls up to the spot, and grab the glock from my trunk
And I tell shawty if squallie roll through hide in the building and yell out 5-0

Squallie wanna cracker? I was so confused,
And what the hell was with this 50?
Am I just being used?
Then I herd yelling from outside:

“Where the fuck is my key”

This fool aint have my shit
I was like papi gimmie the goods before I buss a cap in ya ass

Now, I don’t like to get involved in family problems, but
This was not good
I jumped out of the car with bold exclamations
Said “please just chill out!
Yelling will only exacerbate the situation!”

Who the hell is masturbating here?
Don’t worry bout dis aight
I got this fool locked down
He take one more step and ima burry his ass

You know what fuck this im not trynna get blood on my new kicks tonight

So we left the whole scene and avoided a fight

I made aquaintence with this young lady

I met this dope ass fly boy gangster thug fo shizzle…

…noooooo…

Idioms apart with the best of intentions
we’re still getting used to each others lingual conventions

I aint understand a damn thing she said but its all good

So we speak
And we shout
And we sound
And we spit

And eventually we realized, that really…
We’re all just saying the same shit

Regrets

Fists clenched, teeth gritted followed by a sigh

Images burned in my head with events of my past

Decisions always seem right at the moment but when the time passes

You have that Fuck conversation with yourself, you know?

Fuck, I shoulda studied for that test on Friday

But I quickly replaced concerns of 5 page papers for a night of poppin bottles wit Captain Morgan

Ya see the result of this is kinda obvious

Regrets wreak havoc on me like Tsunamis

With no emergency relief search party to save me from the rooftops of my mind

I survive somehow but sometimes I feel like there is no escaping the sorrowful fogs lingering in the air

I cant cope with the idea that clocks operate clockwise and that calendars are read from left to right and that I cant cope with regrets

Like why did I tell my ex I loved her during the puppy love stage in our relationship?

I could have avoided all those times I had to wash my t shirts of painful popped snot bubbles and saltwater tears

I could have avoided all those on the verge of breaking up phone conversations that were longer then the earths equator wrapped a million times around a sumo wrestler

I was in so deep that a sunk into a remorseful ocean of past actions

So while drifting into sea I recall that day

April 7^th, 2005 when God used his divine palms to walk my great grandmother to the Pearly Gates

My family cried a Pacific waterfall but I didn’t contribute a tear drop nor a grain of salt

My denial held back my melancholy like the Hoover dam holding back the Colorado River

I just stood there in front of my great ancestor stared into her eyelids and tried to utter words but my heart was lodged in my throat

So I left the wake unable to swallow my emotions, unable to say goodbye

Compunction filled my body like an overflowing pool

And then I tell myself

Fuck, I shoulda said my farewell to my great grandmother

Before 6 feet of fate separated us forever

Ya see the moral of this is kind of obvious

So this poem goes out to every struggling father selling drugs for diapers

Don’t say Fuck I shouldn’t have lost my job, press onward and purchase them pampers

This goes out to every conscience deadbeat parent

Don’t say fuck I shoulda been there for my son, just make sure you pay the private eye agent on time

This goes out to every teenage mother who was one credit short from another semester

Don’t say Fuck I shoulda tried harder just live on through your kids and make sure you help them earn your credits

This goes out to anyone who ever witnessed their mother get abused by their stepfather

Don’t say Fuck I shoulda, hit that nigga wit my baseball bat, just make sure he got trouble finding his keys when he wakes up for work the next morning

So learn to live with Regrets cuz if not you’ll forever be stressed

Words

Punch me with rock furious fists
Smack me with venom glazed hands
Manipulate my collar bone until I am wearing it on my sleeves
Just don’t call me a bitch
Don’t tell me that im a worthless piece of shit
Don’t tell me that the most I will ever amount to is dust mite 
If I can choose an alternative I’d rather my body be dangling over the Empire state building
Put me in the ring with Mike Tyson
Let that crazy mother fucker bite my ears off so I don’t hear you tell me that I cant listen right
Don’t tell me that I’ll never get a job because of my skin color
Don’t tell me that all I’ll ever be is a stereotypical statistic
Don’t tell me that I’m not ready for the rest of my life laid out in front of me
Im beggin you
Rip my heart out of my cage, process it to a paste, feed it to me so I can throw up my emotions
Punch the truth out of my eyes, make me see that the world is really black and blue
Snap my shoulders out of my socket and use em as baseball bats
Smack my brains to the heavens so I can see the lightful insights instead of dreadful nouns
But please don’t call me a fake Dominican
Don’t remind me I cant speak my mother’s tongue
Don’t remind me that I cant greet my foreign cousins
Dont tell me that my shoes don’t ever match my gear
Try walking in them and then maybe you’ll understand my preference in pain
Fuck broken bones, fuck hospital bills, fuck any type of physical infliction
It aint shit compared to verbal homicide
It’s the only way I feel pain
Im not saying I am immortal or any type of divine connotation
But words are more painful than an acupuncture procedure with injections needles

Implanting negativity in my veins like horses dashing out the gate completing a million laps in my body
I am fatigue
So the next time you think of calling me something im not, try clenching your fists first
The next time you tell me that I come from a middle class family and we aint goin no where, try to make me bleed
The next time you insult my intelligence, make the wind disappear from my lungs
Don’t spit words at me like cobras
Don’t infect me with your senseless bullshit
Just re-think this
I’ll endure the wrath of God before I’ll ever endure the power of your tongue